


Light

by birdyhands



Category: Avatar: The Last Airbender
Genre: And he's gonna be a good grandpa, Character Study, Conversations, Dad Zuko, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Family, Family Feels, Fatherhood, Fluff, Healing, Heart-to-Heart, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Iroh (Avatar) is a Good Uncle, Post-Canon, Scared Zuko, Zuko (Avatar) Gets a Hug, Zuko (Avatar) Needs a Hug, Zuko (Avatar)-centric, cause it's Zuko
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-30
Updated: 2020-07-30
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:08:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,950
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25607125
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdyhands/pseuds/birdyhands
Summary: Firelord Zuko is about to be a dad and his family doesn't exactly have the best track record when it comes to fatherhood. Zuko is terrified of being just like Ozai. Luckily, uncle Iroh is there to set him right with some blunt truths. Partially inspired by the song Light by Sleeping at Last. My take on how Zuko would handle the idea that he is going to be a father.
Relationships: Iroh & Zuko (Avatar), Mai/Zuko (Avatar)
Comments: 21
Kudos: 163





	Light

Zuko knows that what his father did to him was wrong, but it took him years to figure that out and sometimes there’s a traitorous voice in his head that it seems never got the memo. The voice will chime in when he’s feeling at his lowest to remind him that he doesn’t deserve to be firelord and Mai could never really love him and he’s a coward and weak and never good enough. 

And then, because he can, Zuko takes Mai to dinner or visits his uncle’s tea shop or goes to a play with Toph and lets them talk loud enough to drown out the voice in his head until he feels better and sneers at the voice in his head when it has nothing to say to the look of pride in his uncle’s eyes or Toph’s easy friendship or Mai’s comfort. 

Zuko’s gotten good at drowning out the voice. It sounds suspiciously like his father’s voice and the longer his father rots in prison, the easier it is for Zuko to ignore it. Until now. 

Because now, Mai is pregnant. He knows he should be excited, but Zuko is terrified. And the voice will not shut up. The voice goes on and on and on about how Zuko is about to have a shot at the title for worst father in the history of fathers. 

And Zuko knows it’s ridiculous because his own grandfather tried to have his father kill him and his father abused and mutilated and banished and shot lightning at him, and there’s no way he could beat that. But the voice doesn’t care. It uses his messed up family history to prove to Zuko that he’s going to fuck it up. 

Zuko’s so scared. Mai tells him he has nothing to worry about and that he’s going to be a great father, but he doesn’t think she understands all the way when he whispers to her one night “what if I’m a terrible father?” because Mai has daddy issues too and she knows bad fathers, but it’s not the same. Her parents may have been neglectful and uncaring towards her, but Zuko comes from a line of violent dangerous fathers. They have dinner with Mai’s parents sometimes and she can be cold towards them, but Zuko’s dad is rotting in prison and that’s still so much better than he deserves. 

Zuko doesn’t know how to be a father. Not at all. And he looks at his hands, big and calloused and rough and he’s certain that no matter how gently he tries to hold their baby it won’t be gentle enough. Zuko thinks about the times little children have been scared of him because of the scar on his face and wonders if his face will scare his own child. Everything about him seems too rough and too damaged for fatherhood and every time he thinks about it long enough his breathing gets ragged like it hasn’t in years. 

Zuko is going to be a father any day now and he has to talk to someone. Not Mai with her too-simple reassurances that don’t actually reassure him much at all. He cancels his meetings for the day and he visits his uncle. Traveling by dragon is fast and if Zuko has ever needed a cup of calming tea it’s now. He doesn’t want to leave Mai, but she insists a few hours will be fine and he knows his own anxious demeanor isn’t helping his wife. She’s the one actually having a baby for Agni’s sake. 

Zuko enters The Jasmine Dragon through the back door that leads into the kitchen and finds his uncle looking at him without a single hint of surprise on his face.

“Ah nephew it is good to see you,” his uncle greets him with a hand on his shoulder, “let me just take out this tray and then we can sit down for a minute.”

Iroh leaves the kitchen with the tray of tea he had been preparing and Zuko hears him asking one of the servers if they can handle on their own for a while before he returns to the back and ushers Zuko to a small table at the edge of the kitchen. Zuko sits down and accepts a cup of tea in shaking hands without even bothering to ask what kind it is. He closes his eyes, takes a sip, and lets the earthy floral chamomile steady his anxiety. 

When Zuko opens his eyes after several deep breaths his uncle is looking at him with a mixture of worry and expectation and Zuko knows he has to address why he’s here looking like he’s about thirty seconds from breaking into tears. 

“Uncle I…. I’m gonna be a dad.” 

Zuko knows that doesn’t really explain it, but it’s the only thing running through his head right now. His uncle smiles a little too brightly.

“I know Zuko. I’m so happy for you.”

Zuko frowns. 

“What if…”

He knows his uncle isn’t understanding because he’s still got this comforting smile on his face like Zuko’s got nothing at all to worry about. As if Zuko being a father is the most joyous thing he can think of. And Zuko needs him to understand, he needs his uncle to see what a scary thing this is, he needs him to… do something. Threaten to cut off Zuko’s hand if he ever raises it against his daughter. That would work, Zuko thinks. He sets down his tea. He’s going to spill it if he doesn’t put it down on the table. 

“Uncle what if I’m just like him? What if I’m just like Ozai and what if I… what if I hurt her? What if I ruin everything?” 

There’s tears on his face now and Zuko doesn’t care at all. Out of everyone in his life his Uncle has seen him cry the most and he’s feeling so many other emotions right now that he doesn’t even consider embarrassment. 

His uncle looks shocked of all things like Zuko had just sprouted another head. He grabs Zuko’s shoulders tight and looks him right in the eyes and Zuko thinks Iroh must have now realized what a bad idea Zuko being a father is, how disastrous this is going to be. Then he pulls Zuko out of his chair into a hug so tight that Zuko’s not sure if his legs will hold him up when his uncle lets go. 

“You are nothing like him.”

His uncle’s voice is so fierce and certain that for a moment Zuko believes him, but he’s always been stubborn and as Iroh releases him back into his chair he’s ready to argue that he could be, after all his own father wasn’t always a monster. But Iroh is looking at him with such intensity that the words die in Zuko’s throat. 

“Zuko, you are nothing like Ozai.”

“But what if--”

Iroh doesn’t give him a chance to voice his fears again; he's talking over him with a ferocity that Zuko hasn’t heard from his uncle in several years.

“I’ve told you that ever since my son died I’ve thought of you as my own and that goes both ways, Zuko. Ozai gave up any right he had to call himself your father when you were just a child and if I know anything about you, my son, I know that you would never hurt my granddaughter.”

Iroh's voice softens, "I think of you as my son, Zuko. You don't have to think of yourself as Ozai's."

Zuko’s frozen, mouth half open, cheeks still wet with tears. He doesn’t think he can speak right now. The man in front of him has always been “Uncle Iroh”, but he knows that the man has been more of a father to him than Ozai ever was. Zuko lets out a strangled sob and nods until his head hurts and he lets his uncle drag him into another hug until his sobs have turned into relieved laughter because everything makes so much more sense now. 

“Thank you” he whispers into Iroh’s shoulder. He pulls away for a second, eyes wide, smiling softly, “you’re going to be a grandpa.”

On the days when Zuko had managed to push his fears aside in favor of pleasant thoughts he had imagined bringing his daughter to his uncle’s tea shop, letting his uncle teach her funny songs that would get stuck in Zuko’s head for weeks on end, letting her beat him at pai sho when Iroh taught her how to play, but the idea of his daughter calling his uncle “grandpa Iroh” makes Zuko’s chest warm and fuzzy. 

Zuko’s uncle looks like he feels the same. His eyes are brimming with tears, but his face is filled with nothing but excitement, his smile so wide that Zuko is sure his cheeks must be aching. Zuko lets out another happy laugh that he can’t hold in. The weight that has settled on Zuko’s chest for the past months is gone, replaced by a relief and happiness that seems to be bubbling out of him in uncharacteristic laughs and happy tears. Zuko and Iroh stand there for several minutes, Zuko’s hands still on his uncle’s shoulders.

Of course his uncle would get it. The man has been there for Zuko through everything. Zuko might have Ozai’s genes, but Iroh is the one who has taught him and raised him and been a father to him. Iroh is the one who is going to be a grandfather to his child. Zuko’s stuck on that, his mind playing “grandpa Iroh” in a loop that makes Zuko’s heart swell each time. 

It’s Iroh who finally reminds Zuko that he should be getting back to his pregnant wife and Zuko agrees with a slightly dazed smile and one last hug. 

Four days later Mai has their daughter. And when Zuko holds her for the first time, Mai chuckles at the look on his face, says he’s never looked this soft even for her and Zuko can’t think of a single thing to say because he’s holding _his daughter_. His tiny, perfect, beautiful daughter. And absurdly he thinks of Aang all those years ago when he had held a piece of the first fire and said “it’s like a little heartbeat”. 

Zuko sits next to Mai on the edge of the bed and wants to hold the little bundle of light that is his daughter forever and he knows right then he’d do anything for her. He wants her to stay like this forever and at the same time he’s already imagining her growing up so he can teach her everything he knows and understand what he means when he whispers “I love you Izumi”. He knows he’ll protect her from anything and that he could never in a million years hurt her. He looks at his wife in amazement. She made this. _They made this_. He can’t seem to think a single word to say other than “I love you”. 

When he finally leaves Mai to feed their daughter he still can’t stop smiling. He goes straight to his office to write a letter in a shaky penmanship his childhood calligraphy tutors would be appalled by. 

_Uncle,_  
_I’m a dad. You’re a grandpa. She’s perfect. You have to come meet her._  
_Zuko_

There’s so much more Zuko wants to write, but he’s never been the best with words and he’s too excited to bother with a lengthy letter. So he sends the letter with a messenger hawk and returns to Mai’s side filled with more love for his family than he ever thought he could feel.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed! I'm a total sucker for comments, let me know what you thought!


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